Category: Cat

Fairies

“What’s this?” I asked myself, speaking only in my mind.

I looked around. Nobody was in sight, but on my desk was an unexpected fresh cup of steaming coffee.

The coffee fairy had been by, I realized.

I’m very fond of fairies. Besides the coffee fairy, the doughnut, cookie, and brownie fairies have visited me.

Fairies do have a dark side. Just this morning some feline fairy left a gift on my shower mat. They also left another gift on the bathroom rug. It had to be a fairy, because my floofs were all bland innocence and whiskers.

Some fairies have never visited me, despite my hopes, like the lottery fairy (“You have to have a ticket!”), but the writing fairy often comes, streaming words through me. The words often make sense, too. Well, sometimes.

Time to write edit like crazy at least one more time, and see what the fairies have for me.

 

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Aide-de-Floof

Aide-de-Floof (floofinition) – a person who assists housepets by giving them their medicine, feeding them, cleaning up after them, and playing with them.

In use: “His position as aide-de-floof sometimes required him to interrupt his sleep at four in the morning to let a cat into the house, or feed one of them, which, naturally, meant that they would all be fed.”

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INGIT

INGIT (sometimes spelled as INGIFT) (floofinition) – floof acronym that means “I’m not going in there,” or alternatively, “I’m not going in fuckin’ there.” INGIFT is often used to make a more strenuous point.

In use: “Seeing the bathtub of water, the dog barked, “INGIT!” Spinning away, he raced to the closet to hide.”

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Floofoween

Floofoween (floofinition) – annual holiday when people dress up their pets and request tricks in exchange for treats. It often doesn’t go well.

In use: “Having dressed his black cat in a devil’s outfit for Floofoween, Teddy kept trying to coax the cat into doing tricks in exchange for treats, but he set the bag of treats down, and Sebastian the cat seized it with its teeth and dashed into another room and under the bed with his prize.”

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Floof

He’s a smile in fur,

a presence in purr,

a weight on your legs,

and a sweetie who begs.

He’s a whiskered shadow,

on your pillow,

and a paw beside you,

trying to guide you.

He’s a mighty hunter,

scared of thunder,

quick as light,

and quiet as night.

He’s a song and a feeling,

a world and a being,

and a time and place,

touching your face.

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Floofragette

Floofragette (floofinition) – housepet who campaigns for equal rights for the animals.*

In use: “A true floofragette, the beagle was forever campaigning for equal rights and treatments by aping the humans’ activities, like jumping into the bath with them, sleeping beside them on the bed, and sitting at a chair at the dinner table for meals. They became convinced that he thought he considered himself human, not realizing that he knew he was a dog, but saw no reason for him to be treated differently than them.”

 

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Floofroy

Floofroy (floofinition) – a housepet that exercises authority over other housepets.

In use: “The little tabby was the smallest of the home’s five pets, but she was the floofroy, ruling with meow, hisses, growls, and swats. Everyone — including people — obeyed.”

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Floofcipience

Floofcipience (floofinition) – good understanding of things as seen or experienced by a housepet.

In use: “Through living with cats, dogs, birds, and ferrets since he was born, his floofcipience expanded, earning him nicknames like the cat whisperer and the dog wizard.”

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Floofemy

Floofemy (floofinition) – a housepet who actively opposes or is hostile to another housepet or creature.

In use: “For reasons understood only by cats, after living together for three years, the three felines were staunch floofemies, hissing or growling whenever one came close, spying on each other, and staying several feet away from one another.”

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Flooftober

Flooftober (floofinition) – a celebration dedicated to pets and animals. In some places, it never ends.

See also: Flooftoberfest

In use: “Raising a sweaty mug of sudsy beer, he shouted, “Happy Flooftober. Who wants a treat?” As the dogs and cats trotted forward, tails wagging or up, as was their style, he opened bags and began giving each a treat.”

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