Category: Cat

The Secret Hour

We’ve voted in our house, and agree that we should have a secret hour – that extra one that doesn’t show up anywhere but in your sleep – every night. (Amusingly, it’s called setting the clocks back to conceal the deal the Feds made with the Time Fairies.)

The vote was unanimous and not a surprise that the cats all voted for it. We had to wake them up to vote. As Papi summarized, “If it’s food or sleeping, I’m all for it.”

We know better than to actually advocate for a secret hour every night. There are dangers associated with having the Time Fairies come each night to give you the extra hour. One, your time isn’t infinite. Those hours come from somewhere.

Two, and more worrying, for every hour they give you, the Time Fairies own you more.

Most worrying of all, the Time Fairies are thin-skinned and petty. They’re wont to go for revenge at the slightest perceived insult. You must be careful not to piss them off.  I’m sure you’ve seen some of their victims, listless as they wander around, craving sleep that will not come, not able to die because it’s not their time, but without the energy to do anything, because the Time Fairies own their time.

 

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Saturday’s Theme Music

Today’s choice is for my little buddy, the mighty Quinn. Here’s Manfred Mann performing their hit-record version of the Bob Dylan song, “Quinn the Eskimo” (1968).

 

 

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Floofcapade

Floofcapade (floofinition) – a show put on by or for housepets.

In use: “When the puppies met the cats, it became quite a floofcapade. The fearless puppies hustled up to the tom and queen. Bewildered, the two cats raised paws to swat but didn’t hit anyone, instead leaning forward to sniff the puppies. To the puppies, that meant lick, sniff, and jump on. Watching with alarm, Susan awaited the cat’s response, but to her surprise, they let the puppies chase them around.

“Animals would never stop surprising her, she thought.”

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Floofvitational

Floofvitational (floofinition) – an exclusive event centered around housepets.

In use: “Dinner was a floofvitational as the cats, dogs, and bird jostled for their part of the evening repast. Having another human in, even if she was a date and potential mate, put a damper on this day’s floofvitational as the animal retreated from the stranger, except for Penny. Penny was always ready to eat and didn’t care who else was there, as long as he got his share.”

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Lycanfloofpy

Lycanfloofpy (floofinition) – a delusion that a housepet has become a wolf; a housepet’s assumption of the form and characteristics of a wolf held to be possible by witchcraft, magic, or quantum mechanics.

In use: “If your cat suffers from lycanfloofpy, they’re apt to howl at the moon when it’s full, and become more predatory, stalking you and others as though it’s hungry like a wolf.”

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Floofpensity

Floofpensity (floofinition) – a housepet’s inclination or natural tendency to behave in a particular way.

In use: “Although the cat had never been more than a few steps from the back door, where he liked to sun on the patio. his floofpensity was to stalk everyone and everything in the house, pouncing on objects, gallivanting around like he chased game, and swatting at the air.”
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Floofthanize

Floofthanize (floofinition) – to be loved to death by a housepet.

In use: “Large and intractable, the pittie was determined to show his affection to Anders whenever Anders returned home, so Anders had to accommodate being floofthanized for thirty minutes to an hour in his daily schedule.”

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Floofanomics

Floofanomics (floofinition) – the costs and budgeting process associated with feeding and caring for housepets. The four pillars associated with floofanomics are, keep your pets happy, get your pets healthy, keep your pets healthy, and keep your pets happy.

In use: “With floofanomics, decisions sometimes become difficult with cats. While dogs seem willing to eat any- and everything, cats sometimes shun what they just scarfed down a minute before. It’s a mystery.”

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Saturday’s Theme Music

Surfing my thoughts this morning as I thought of my dream and tended my dream, I began streaming a Rolling Stones song, “Beast of Burden” (1978). I always considered the song a defiant protest song, but also a pondering reflection of relationships’ complexities, asking at its base, what does it take?

This was in direct response to dealing with Quinn. I was giving him his meds. He doesn’t like them, and hides in anticipation of receiving them. Giving them to him is a small battle,  but with experience, I’ve developed a winning technique. Afterward, Quinn takes off and hides from me, distrusting my approach. Yet, he returns in a little while, looking to me for comfort and food.

As an aside, the meds seem to be doing as hoped. His energy levels have gone up and he seems less miserable. While he’d been declining, he’d stopped grooming himself, and had lost his voice. Yesterday, I saw him wash his face after eating for the first time in weeks, and today, he’d found his meow, and his tall was pointed up in classic Quinn fashion when we went into the room for me to feed him.

So I’m hopeful, but I usually am.

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Magna Cata

Magna Cata (floofinition) – legendary charter of rights signed by feline representatives. Reports vary about where the Magna Cata was signed and its fate. One enduring theory suggests that Noah was forced to create the document to entice two cats to board the ark, but then burned it after the waters rose.

In use: “The dog smirked at the cat. “The Magna Cat no longer exists,” he said. “Some stupid cat started playing with it and tore it up.” Seeing the cat’s baleful gaze, the dog said, “At least, that’s what I’ve always been told.””

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