Category: Cat

Floofto

Floofto (floofinition) – Small, artificial planet that animals use as an intermediary visiting location while coming and going from Earth. Floofologists theorize that Floofto is cloaked and maintains an orbit around the Earth and Moon, completing one revolution every twenty hours.

In use: “With an equatorial circumference of almost seven thousand miles, Floofto would normally exert some influence on other bodies, were it not for the Institute of Floofnology and their inventions. One invention keeps Floofto’s mass and gravity from affecting anything, floofnology that humans would love to acquire.”

2

“Goof the Floof and the Floofroahs”

“Goof the Floof and the Floofroahs” (floofinition) – An American floof and roll group active in the 1950s and 1960s.

In use: “Although never achieving a number-one hit, “Goof the Floof and the Floofroahs” had several notable songs, such as “Wooly Floofy” and “Lil’ Red Riding Floof”, for which they’re celebrated. Goof the Floof was the lead vocalist, earning his nickname for his singing style.”

0

“The Traveling Floofburys”

“The Traveling Floofburys” (floofinition) – A British-American musical supergroup formed in the late 1980s. Two albums were released but the group never toured before disbanding.

In use: “The Traveling Floofburys were known for having an almost retro flooffle sound from the 1960s, with memorable, often ironic and sometimes amusing lyrics, such as those in “The End of the Treats”, in which treats (and their lack) are treated (sorry) as a metaphor for a change in circumstances.”

5

Floofclone

Floofclone (floofinition) – 1. Micro-weather event of great wind and noise caused by an animal, often a dog or cat tearing around a house.

In use: “Whatever the trigger, once a day, Rebel (who was otherwise a sweet and goofy (but very smart) German Shepherd) leaped up and caused a floofclone, expending energy until fur was flying everywhere, and then collapsing with a grin.”

2. Animals who resemble one another.

In use: “The gray cat had but two white pieces, which made a white handlebar mustache on her sweet face. Everyone thought Pearl was unique until her floofclone, Spike (a street rescue), showed up.”

3. A person who resembles an animal.

In use: “He was a quiet and reserved man, long-limbed, a floofclone with feline cheeks and eyes. It made her wonder if he had a tail.”

 

5

The Piss Club

It’s their informal name for themselves, The Piss Club, an expression adopted from the humaverse because the floof think it’s so funny. (Do humans really think that animals are so interested in that aspect of their business? See how funny it is?)

The Piss Club’s formal name eludes translation from floofish. For humans (and the animals involved), The Piss Club is about ensuring that animals (or their allies) are present whenever humans do their business. In homes with pets, this is generally easily accomplished. Public facilities can be handled via rats, birds, flies, mice, spiders, etc.

Those places are not the problem, and it’s not about humans doing their business. It’s about verifying what they are.

No, the problem is those private places where pets don’t reside, where spiders and insects are stalked and killed, and mice are treated like vermin. Those places are the problem, because those people might be the beings that The Piss Club are supposed to on guard against. Masquerading as humans, those beings could destroy Earth; it is their stated intention, and they are here on Earth.

And, while floofs (except for dinosaurs) usually originated on other worlds (or other universes, in frequent cases) (funny how two beings, say two cats, can look so much alike and yet be from different universes) and arrived on Earth to expand their influence (and study other cultures and life forms), they’ve grown fond of those crazy creatures called humans, and would like to keep them around. Because, as the floofs have found, humans don’t exist anywhere else in any other universe (unlike dinosaurs, which seem to be everywhere), making humans very unique creatures.

That’s why The Piss Club watches.

2

“Jimi Floofdrix”

“Jimi Floofdrix” (floofinition) – One of greatest floof guitarists of all time, a songwriter and performer who influenced generations of floof with her playing.

In use: “A favorite Jimi Floofdrix song was “Purple Fur”, a song which was performed at every concert after its commercial release.”

Purple fur all over the house, it even covers the kitchen mouse.

Actin’ funny, but I don’t know why, ‘cuse me while I bite this guy.

2

The Missing Piece

A piece was missing. The scowl hardening in his mind crossed boundaries, cementing his face into a likeness of dark irritation. A piece was missing! He’d tried every damn piece that he could find. None fit. None.

Well, that just ruined the jigsaw puzzle. Ruined it. It could never be finished. That meant it was ruined.

He clenched his fists. That’s why he despised buying used puzzles. They set you up for the chance, like this, that you would fail. (Well, it wasn’t him that failed — the piece was missing, so he didn’t fail), but it subverted any pleasure he could achieve, stealing the tangible joy of solving a puzzle. That wasn’t to be this time, which wasn’t fair. In fact, it was cruel.)

Vignettes of how this travesty may have come about began quiet visits. The people who’d donated the puzzle had lost the piece. They found it later, after giving the puzzle away. “Oh, look,” the husband said, picking a piece up off of the floor. “We missed a piece.” He looked around. “One of the cats must have been playing with it.” (Of course a cat had been involved.)

“Oh, no,” his wife said, hand to mouth. Reality sank into place. They’d taken the puzzle to the Goodwill over a month before. Maybe two. Nothing could be done now.

He would hunt them down. All he needed to do is get their DNA — probably some on the puzzle pieces, wasn’t there? — and access to a DNA database that had their DNA (hmm…that might be trickier, but he would find a way), and then —

“Found it.” His wife applied the piece with a flourish, pressing it down until it clicked solidly into place.

“How? Where was it?” Disbelief waxing like a warm sun, he stared at the piece. He’d literally tried every piece in the box, taking them out one by one, trying each piece, and then putting the eliminated pieces into a bowl. There was no way…

Well, there was one way. He eyed her. “Did you hide it?”

She giggled. “I’ll never tell.”

0

Parfloofmonious

Parfloofmonious (floofinition) – Unwilling to spend money on anything except items and food meant for animals.

In use: “Yes, she made money — she was an advertising agency creative director, winner of several awards (her team had won a Clio Award once – silver, but still), but she liked recycling (have you seen her recycled art?), bought used clothing, and was parfloofmonious to a fault, buying food for animal shelters and wild horse rescues, as well as keeping her own floofagerie well stocked with the best food, toys, blankets, and beds.”

2

Puzzle #5

Yeah, we did it. Yeah, we started. Yeah, it’s a difficult one. Yes, we’re starting to hate it.

The floofs didn’t come around to supervise us. Maybe that’s our issue…

3

“Barks N’ Meowsies”

“Barks N’ Meowsies” (floofinition) – American hard-floof band heralding from Floof Angeles (F.A.).

In use: “Led by lead singer Axl Bark and guitarist Claws, Barks N’ Meowsies (often shortened to BNM) released their first album, Tearing Up the Toilet Paper in 1990, which included hit single songs, “Floof City” and “Fur Child O’ Mine”.”

7

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑