Floofmarine (floofinition) – An animal who likes to burrow under things.
In use: “The dog proved to be a regular floofmarine, stealing under the covers and finding a space alongside their legs as soon as they were in bed and the lights were off.”
A Series of Weird, Short Dreams
I dreamed that dandelions were growing out of my cat’s head. I decided to pull them, because I thought, the roots must be growing into his brain.
I pulled the weeds. As they came out, his head broke apart like the top of a chicken potpie. Brains spilled out. Panicking, I tried pushing them all back in.
Before that —
I was marrying a robot. The robot resembled a cross between an Oscar and Marvel’s Iron Man. He’d been sent to kill me. I’d captured and converted him, easy to do because he was a foot tall and never moved, standing like the Oscar all the time. I don’t know how he was expected to kill me, but I was marrying him.
Before that —
It was cake again. A large white sheet cake was on a table. It looked gorgeous, and delicious. Writing was on the top. Leaning forward to read it, I misjudged space and distance and began falling into the cake. Wildly flailing, I managed not to hit the cake, but tilted the table. The cake began sliding away. I tried grabbing it, seizing a handful of a corner and tearing it away.
In a slow-motion sequence, I raised the cake that I’d torn away up to my face. Yellow inside, it smelled like lemon. I put some into my mouth to taste it. It didn’t taste lemon. I couldn’t decide what the taste was.
The cake was still sliding off the table. Lunging forward, I caught the cake, stabilized the table, and ‘saved’ the cake, except it was a mess.
Others came in. I wanted to run but I had cake all over me. Obviously, I’d done whatever had happened to the cake. As the rest came up (all strangers, dressed casually, but with what looked like flutes of champagne in their hands), I said, “There was an accident.”
Ignoring that, smiling and talking, they looked at the cake as though nothing was wrong. One woman said something to me. I held up the handful of cake and asked, “Is this lemon?”
Before that —
I was in the military, dressed in a crisp light blue shirt with dark blue pants, supervising a group of young NCOs. I was assigning them positions, roles, and titles. “You’re NCOIC of Back Office Reporting, BOC.” I laughed. “And you are Console Operations, COPs.” That brought more wild laughter from me. To the third, I said, “And you’re NCOIC of Training, which is, well, that’s just training.” I found that hilarious.
Before that —
My cat was sick. I was looking for his medicine. After I went through the house, I finally found it (it’s the last place that you look, innit?). Then I couldn’t find the cat. Putting the medicine down, I went through the house looking for him. Finding him at last, I couldn’t find the medicine. I said, “I just had it.”
That’s all there was.
Floofscond
Floofscond (floofinition) – Behavior wherein an animal departs secretly and hides itself, typically after taking something that it shouldn’t have.
In use: “The dog had to be watched whenever someone set food down, as Daisy was apt to filch a portion and floofscond.”
“Bennie and the Floofs””
“Bennie and the Floofs” (floofinition) – An odd American pop song about a fictional band led by a dog named Bennie (who wears an electric collar, tiara, and oversized sunglasses), the lead vocalist, and a band of three felines and a wolf who perform the music.
In use: “The song “Bennie and the Floofs” hit the Floofboard Top 100 and held the number one spot for five consecutive weeks, inspiring many Floofoween costumes that year.”
Good Floofmaritan
Good Floofmaritan (floofinition) – 1. An animal who assists other animals or people.
In use: “Many animals are being employed as Good Floofmaritans, service animals which help people cope with their shortcomings and difficulties.”
In use: “Grandpa Cat, as he was known, was an old street fighting tom who’d finally found a home, but surprised everyone with his Good Floofmaritan side when he helped orphaned kittens adjust by calming, comforting, and grooming them.”
2. “People who help animals.”
In use: “The Internet has helped raise the awareness about animals and their plights, resulting in the growth of many Good Floofmaritan organizations that take in orphaned and abused animals, help them recover, and find them permanent homes.”
3. A parable about an animal who helped other animals and people.
In use: “Floof 10:25-37 tells the Parable of the Good Floofmaritan, a lion who came upon an injured man stayed with the man, bringing him food and warming and protecting him for three days, until help arrive.”
Floofsecute
Floofsecute (floofinition) – 1. Subject another animal or human to hostility, especially because of species or the belief that their territory is being invaded.
In use: “Seeing the other dog walk into the yard, Max arose with a growl and prepared to floofsecute the interloper.”
2. Term of endearment for a particularly sweet, cute, or pretty animal.
In use: “The way that the kitten regarded her melted her defenses. The newcomer (six weeks old, but orphaned, sole survivor from its litter) was definitely a floofsecute.”
Flooflash
Flooflash (floofinition) – 1. A strong and adverse reaction by animals, especially in response to human behavior.
In use: “When he hurried into the bathroom and closed the door, the flooflash was quick as the dog barked and whined his disapproval, and the cat scratched and meowed her agreement with the dog.”
2. A shift of light caused by a animal passing by at amazing speed.
In use: “The cat was originally named Annabelle, shortened to Belle, but she became known as Flash after several flooflashes were experienced during her first week in the house.”
Floofbonair
Floofbonair (floofinition) – The air of lack of worry or concern, or the freedom of not caring, as shown in an animal.
In use: “His backdoor was open, and in saunters this floofbonair cat that he’s never seen before, sniffing about, until seeing him, she walks over and jumps onto his lap.”
Floofché
Floofché (floofinition) – An animal’s winning touch.
In use: “With an unspoken floofché, the cat delivered a swat to the puppy, and the first rule of engagement was established: don’t sneak up on the cat.”
Michael Seidel, writer 