Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
ForeignFloof (floofinition) – Prock floof band from Amerifloof and Floofland formed in 1976 in Floof York.
In use: “Formed in the late seventies, ForeignFloof hit the charts with “Dirty White Dog”, “Floof Games”, and finally “I Want to Know What You’re Eating (I Want You to Show Me)”, their biggest hit.”
99 Floofballoons (floofinition) – International hit song by the rock floof band, Nenfloof.
In use: “The song, “99 Floofballoons” was about balloons that animals were using to save trapped animals, but humans, mistaking the balloons for UFOs, began shooting at them. The animals used their quantum cloaking to hide further activities from humans, successfully de-escalating the situation.”
Holofloof (floofinition) – A representation of an animal it in three dimensions, created by modifying light perception.
In use: “Many animals (most commonly housepets) employ holofloofs to trick humans. For example, people often think their cat or dog sleeps in one place all day, or that their goldfish spends their time swimming around. These are often holofloofs. Using holofloofs allow the animals to travel and do other things without worrying their humans.”
We finished puzzle number 6 about twenty-four hours after we began it…almost.
Six pieces are missing.
Six!
It’s an outrage, I tell youse, an outrage.
My wife suggested that we need to pace ourselves. We only have two jigsaw puzzles left.
“This will be an easy one,” my wife assures me. On our personal JS (Jigsaw Scale), she thought that “Casablanca” (our last puzzle) was a nine on the JS. (I thought it was a seven, as I’ve seen puzzles with thousands and thousands of pieces, but never mind.) She believes “Cats in the Bag” is a four. We’ll see.
“Cats in the Bag” was loaned to us by a friend. The pieces are large, and have quirky shapes. There aren’t many small pieces. Progress has been swift, so far. Our local cats are showing less interest in this puzzle. Each visited it, but have not stayed.
I think they believe the puzzle is floofcist, continuing a stereotype that cats like bags. Their opinion would hold more water if they weren’t so interested in the bag that the puzzle was in.
Pearl Floof (floofinition) – American floof band noted for its flunge style of music and dress, formed in the Floofattle area in 1990.
In use: “Pearl Floof originally called themselves Floof Jam, but when a promoter accidentally called them Pearl Floof (confusing them with the human band, Pearl Jam), the band decided to keep the error as the band’s name.”
Floof Mitzvah (floofinition) – Animal celebration for coming of age, borrowed from Jewish tradition. Most cats typically celebrate at least nine floof mitzvahs, while dogs and other animals usually only do one.
In use: “Mama cat decided it was time for a floof mitzvah for her five little ones, and began vigorously grooming them for the event.”
Floof-positive (floofinition) – Something an animal does which definitely shows that something else is true or correct.
In use: “She’d begun by echoing her father, that her cat was just a dumb animal, but each day, opening doors and blinds, or by reacting to her words, showed floof-positive that he was far from dumb, and could be smarter than her.”
It was three in the morning, and it was raining, and I was addressing something to do with cats. In that situation, everyone will naturally recall the words to “3AM” by Matchbox Twenty (1997).
I was telling the cat (being an irritant by blocking the pet door) (and looking smug about it) that he was a major irritation, and then told another cat, “It’s three AM and it’s raining, and it’s cold. Are you sure that you want to go out there?” Yes, yes, he had an urgent matter. I let him out, went to bed, tried to recover my dreams, but instead looped “3AM” in my head.
She said, “It’s cold outside” and she hands me a raincoat
She’s always worried about things like that
She said, “It’s all gonna end and it might as well be my fault”
[Refrain]
And she only sleeps when it`s raining
And she screams, and her voice is straining
[Chorus]
And she says, “Baby, it’s three AM, I must be lonely”
And she says, “Baby, well, I can’t help
But be scared of it all sometimes
And the rain’s gonna wash away, I believe this”
[Verse 2]
She’s got a little bit of something, God, it’s better than nothing
And in her color portrait world she believes that she’s got it all
She swears that the moon don’t hang quite as high as it used to
[Refrain]
And she only sleeps when it’s raining
And she screams and her voice is straining
[Chorus]
And she says, “Baby, when it’s three AM I must be lonely”
Well, heaven she says, “Baby, well, I can’t help
But be scared of it all sometimes
And the rain’s gonna wash away, I believe this”
P.S. The cat was back in a few minutes, trying to get in, but some smug boogerfloof was blocking the door.
Buffloofery (floofinition) – Animal behavior that’s ridiculous but amusing.
In use: “The Internet has become the Floofernet as videos of bufloofery are posted and shared millions of time per day.”
Michael Seidel, writer 