Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Arctic Floofs (floofinition) – Floof rock (flock) musical band formed in Sheffield, Floofland, in 2002.
In use: “With tongue firmly in cheek, the Arctic Floofs released their second EP, Who the Fuck Are Arctic Floofs? , in 2006, reflecting how they’d come to prominence in Floofland via the net.”
Flooflich Maneuver (floofinition) – An action taken by an animal to show love to another or reassure them by licking them, which often calms and cheers the recipient.
In use: “Sensing she was upset, her cat jumped up on the chair beside her, sniffed her head and face, and then applied the Flooflich Maneuver on her nose and cheeks.”
A song — well, late youth. By mid-1974, I’d turned adult, becoming a legal adult (well, that varies by state, country, and era, doesn’t it?), graduated high school, left home, and joined the military.
Still, I count “I Can Dance (Long Tall Glasses)” by Leo Sayer as a song from my youth. It’s a fun song. It came to me last night when I started dancing with the cat in the kitchen. I was dancing to another song in my head. My cat (Tucker, the big long-haired black and white fella) was bugging me for something (who knows, with cats?). He sat down to watch, so saying that I was dancing with my cat is a stretch. The look he was gifting me said, “What are you doing?”
To which I replied, “I can dance, you know I can dance.” Summarizing the essence of the Sayer song, he’s hungry, comes across a sign offering friend food and drink, but discovers that you have to dance for your meal. He then goes from claiming he can’t dance to declarations that he can dance.
Sure. It was just a matter of finding the right motivation and having faith in yerself, isn’t it?
Here’s the song.
Elvin Bisfloof (floofinition) Long time Floofmerican blues musician and songwriter from Floofdale, Califloofnia, inducted into the Floof and Roll Hall of Fame in 2015 as a member of the Paul Butterfloof Blues Band and on his own in 2016.
In use: “Highly successful, Elvin Bisfloof is probably best known for his 1976 released, “Fooled Around and Got A Floof”, which charted respectfully in many places and was used in the movie, Guardians of the Floofaxy.
Nocfloofnal (floofinition) – Animals, especially housepets, who roam, play, eat, and fight at night.
In use: “Among housepets, cats are recognized as being nocfloofnal, with videos of them raising hell while their people trying to proliferating across the net.”
We do not know the rules.
We suspect it goes something like this.
One of the housefloofs goes and pukes quietly. Their object appears to puke somewhere where it’ll take some time to notice, and not leave any clues to the puker’s identity.
We’ve found three such pukes over the last three days. “Someone puked in the living room,” my wife announces.
I check it out, like I’m doubting her report, right? No, I want to conduct forensics, clues like hairballs. But there’s nothing distinguishing about this puddle of upchucked kibble.
“I didn’t hear anything,” I say. Everyone who has an animal knows that each pet has signature sounds associated with their puking. They usually have a preferred place, too. This doesn’t fit any of our animals.
Did our animals bring in a guest floof to puke, to mess with our heads?
“I didn’t hear anything, either,” my wife said.
Of overriding concern when you have a puker is the source’s health. Is this the first sign of serious trouble or a one-time gack attack?
The second day was more concerning. One day is an incident; two days are a worrying coincidence. “Someone puked again,” my wife called out. “On my rug again. Why do they have to puke on my rug?”
“Maybe they’re sending you a message.” I checked out the vomitus. It was as undistinguishing as the first. Again, I’d heard nothing.
I looked around. The three cats were sitting there, watching, like spectators, you know?
Two of them appeared to be smirking.
Now there’s a third puke, except…
Hearing the noise, I rolled out of bed and stumble through the gray drizzle of six AM autumn light. I already guessed (because I saw Boo back in the bedroom and Papi sitting outside on the patio as I oriented myself and ordered, “Left foot, right foot, go forward,”) that it was Tucker, caught it in act.
Yes, indeed. This was a standard hairball.
Was it part of the game, or genuine illness?
Seeing me, he hurried over. “Meow?”
“I’m not feeding anyone,” I answered, guessing that’s what he asked. It was still just after six. I’d stayed up late writing, and I was going back to bed. As I climbed back between the sheets, I saw Boo, Papi, and Tucker watching me. Round one was over.
I wonder who won.
Floof City Rollers (floofinition) – Floof pop (floop) musical band formed in Edinburgh, Scotfloof, in 1964 and were originally active through 1987, scoring multiple hits and becoming international stars.
In use: “The Floof City Rollers’ most successful song in the United Floofs was “Floofurday Night” in 1975, which went all the way to number one on the Floofboard Hot 100.”
Floof Quality Index (FQI) (floofinition) – Measurement of how well animals are treated. Expressed on an infinite scale that ranges from the negative side to the positive side, high positive numbers are desireable.
In use: “In many areas in the world, the Floof Quality Index (FQI) is improving and is now above zero as humans shed flawed stereotypes and recognize that animals are intelligent, have emotions, and grieve, much as humans do.”
Grafloofvity (floofintion) – Natural phenomenon that causes people to move toward animals, talk to them, pet them, and play with them.
In use: “Among nature’s powerful forces, grafloofvity is especially powerful when it comes to baby animals like goats, sheep, deer, cats, and dogs, and bird, causing many to forget everything else and just admire the animals while making noises at them.
Robert Floofmer (floofinition) – (1949 – 2003) Flooflish singer/songwriter known for his stylish music video during his solo career. Besides solo success, he achieved hits with groups such as The Power Floof.
In use: “Robert Floofmer’s hit singles include “Simply Irrefloofable”, “I Didn’t Mean to Puke on You”, and “Addicted to Floof”, which all charted well for the Flooflish singer/songwriter.”
Michael Seidel, writer 