Floofump (floofinition) – 1. A person who appears or is slovenly because they’ve been attending animals or indulging in an animal’s behavior to the detriment of their own appearance.

In use: “Catching sight of herself in the mirror, she realized she’d become a floofump, neglecting to dress (and clean the house — or brush her teeth and hair) because her newest cat was asleep on her lap.”

2. A noise someone emits when an animal unexpectedly jumps on them.

In use: “He was in the recliner, watching a ballgame, about to open a beer, when Harvey jumped up onto his belly, causing him to grunt, “Floofump,” in response.”

3. Slang or casual reference to an animal umpire.

In use: “The dogs and cats gave her no problems; it was the dog and the bird who forced her into the hated role of floofump, ruling their behavior out of bounds and sending one or the other into the penalty box.”

3 Floofs Down

3 Floofs Down (floofinition) – Floofmerican grunge floof rock (flock) band formed in Mississippi in 1996. They released five studio albums, with the first five charting well, including two albums which debuted at number one.

In use: “3 Floofs Down’s 2003 song, “Floof Without You”, reached number one in the United States, number two in Poland and Australia, and charted well in several other countries.

Saturday’s Theme Music

Van Halen is on my mind today.

Why not, right? He’s on many people’s mind. Eddie Van Halen, an amazing musician who focused on guitars, passed away this week. He was sixty-five, one year older than me.

He’s a contemporary, then. But he’s that contemporary who took the dreams and applied hard work and persistence, added to a huge well of talent, and made the big time.

Van Halen the group broke onto the radio music world where I resided in 1977. By then, I was twenty-one. Eddie was twenty-two. His songs — because, let’s face it, Eddie Van Halen was the primary force in that group, the largest defining difference with what he did with a guitar — spread across the AM and FM bandwidths, into MTV and movies, and across our world and lives.

It’s not a great reveal that Van Halen has provided the theme music for many days. Technology will keep Van Halen fresh and available to us, even if Eddie has passed away. Of all the songs available, I chose “Right Now” from 1992.

The Cannon Dream

A labyrinth of dreams finally culminated in the cannon segment. In it, after all the travails of the night’s previous dreams, I learned that they were looking for volunteers. These people would be shot out of a cannon and land in water somewhere halfway around the world. They couldn’t say where people would land.

The idea excited me. “Me! Me! Me!” I volunteered immediately. My wife and mother worried about where I would land, and how safe it was. I naively replied, “Well, they wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t safe.”

Which satisfied everyone. My wife was like, “Well, if that’s what you want to do.” Mom said (in that certain way that some mothers do), “Oh, you’ve already been chosen,” and dismissed it.

So it came to pass that without fanfare, I was fired from a cannon. I mean, there wasn’t any preparation, no drama, I was just literally fired from a cannon and then shooting through the sky.

From my POV, all sensations were absent. My eyes were closed. I thought, gee, I should be looking around because this is a unique event, but I didn’t. There wasn’t any wind, no sensation of movement at all. Then, I wondered if I should get ready to land. Should I point my feet before entering the water? If it’s deep water, will I go to the bottom and then need to spring back up?

I landed with a mild splash. The water wasn’t deep and was very warm and comfortable. Opening my eyes, I saw the water was a light aquarmarine. I wondered where I’d landed.

Others were there. The water was crowded. I marveled that I hadn’t landed on someone else. Most were naked young women swimming. Treading water, I reached up for support and discovered that it was the headboard for my bed.

I laughed. “Look, it’s my headboard. What are they chances?”

A naked woman nearby mocked me. “Yeah, what are the chances?”

“Seriously,” I said, but she swam off. I kept talking, though. “I’ve had this bed for fifteen years. What are the chances that I’d been shot halfway around the world and land in water and have my headboard right there?”

Nobody paid attention. They apparently weren’t impressed with any of it. That didn’t change anything; I’d enjoyed myself.

That dream segment ended. I eagerly carried on to the next.

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