Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Infloofmation (floofinition) – Facts provided or learned about animals.
In use: “Living with an animal provided people with infloofmation, but didn’t necessarily make them animal experts. They often learned wide gulfs of differences usually existed between animals, even when they were of the same species.”
— National Floofographic Magazine, Floofuary 32, 2009.
Locked away, he had time to do things that he’d always intended to do. First would be to learn to communicate with the cat.
Yeah, he wasn’t crazy (so he told himself, trying to sound convinced). He thought he and the cat had a special connection. The little feline (it was little then, in the beginning, not so little now, relatively for a house cat – twenty-three pounds) marched up to him on the street and meowed like Whitney Houston singing “I will always love yooouuu,” bestowing the cat his name, Houston (because it was a male). It was like true fidelity from then on.
Houston was everywhere with him, monitoring his bathroom, trying to steal food (the lovable little thief) with his big white mitts, bolting across rooms and up walls (swear to God!). Now, aged three, Houston had settled into being a more dignified feline. Cagney (his name, distant relative to James, the actor) (he always used his last name, disliking his first name, the unobtrusive, forgettable “Jack”) thought that if Houston could talk, he would sound pretty close to James Earl Jones. From there (and the looks that the cat gave him), he’d decided that he and the cat could communicate, like, telepathically.
Engaging in an effort every day since he’d been self-isolated — this was day eight — he sat the cat in front of him and sat down. “Houston. Look at me. Look into my eyes.”
Although he appeared sleepy (it was time for his pre-nap nap), Houston did as told.
“I’m going to speak words to you. I want you to think them back to me. Do you understand?”
Cagney listened for a response. Yawning, Houston seemed to try to wake up to participate.
“I know you understand me. I know how smart you are.”
Thank you.
Cagney blinked. “What? Do you — ” Had he heard that? “Did you say, thank you.”
I did. You heard me.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.” Cagney stood up and spun around. He’d only half thought of what would happen next. Like how was he going to prove it? How was he going to prove it?
He stared down at Houston. Houston watched him with interest. “So you hear me, right, Houston?”
Yes, I do, Cagney.
“Okay, okay, I need more than that. Nod your head, nod your head if you understand me.”
Houston nodded his head.
Cagney jumped up and down laughing. “Holy shit. Holy she-it. I did it! We did it. I got to — where’s my phone? Where’s my cell? I gotta video this. Where’s my cell? Where’s my cell?”
Blue eyes bulging, Cagney scanned the room and skittered off. “Must’ve left it in the bedroom. Don’t move, Houston, stay right there, I’m coming right back.” He was out of the room and accelerating, sliding on the floor, and shouting over his shoulder.
Ears forward, Houston watched Cagney disappeared. He’d done it. He’d managed to lower the human’s defenses. Next step would be to take control over Cagney’s mind.
With his defenses down, it’d be as easy as catching a bird.
Floof Zappa and the Mothers of Invention (floofintion) – Hard floof rock (flock) group formed in California in the 1960s, known for experimental, floofedelic sound.
In use: “Floof Zappa and the Mothers of Invention’s album, We’re Only in It for the Kibble, satirized pet ownership, focusing on cat and dog owners, lampooning people who consider their pets to be their children.”
Dreamed about a Chev. Corvette last night. My Dad and I were in it. I was driving it first. We stopped at a store. People complimented us on the car. I told everyone that it was his, and most people said, “Yes, I had that impression.”
I’ve had similar Corvette dreams before, but it put a Corvette song in my head. Prince’s 1983 song was “Little Red Corvette”, but that’s what came to mind this morning as I was thinking about the dream.
I vividly remember hearing “Little Red Corvette” while stationed on Okinawa. (I was assigned to the 603d MASS on Kadena AB, 1981-1985.) We’d gone to McDonald’s on a whim because we were going to have some corn soup. Standing outside in sunshine afterward, “Little Red Corvette” was playing on a car radio beside us. We were talking about going to the American Bakery for dessert. It’s a strangely vivid moment in life.
Some do not want to practice social distancing. Tales from Oregon and Alaska.
Guests arrive across the street at a neighbor’s house. The neighbors came out and greeted their visitors. Hugs were exchanged.
While delivering food to shut-ins, a volunteer was accosted by one shut-in who refused to recognize the six foot distance and had to be admonished several times. According to the volunteer, he seemed to be taking malicious glee approaching her.
Friends were out walking. They encountered a forty-ish woman with a teenage female. They refused to move. Both parties stopped. My friend explained, “We’re practicing social distancing.” The other woman threw her hands up. “That’s such bullshit.”
Another friend, out shopping, encountered a person in an aisle. She stopped at one end, waiting for him to finish. He noticed her. “Oh, what?” He smirked. “You waiting for me to leave?”
“Yes.”
The man proceeded to dawdle, clearly to irritate my friend. Shrugging it off, she went to another section of the store.
He followed her. More, he began trying to sneak up on her. Not wanting to give him satisfaction, she ignored him as she could and moved away. But after twenty minutes of this, she finally snapped at him in a loud voice. Her expletive loaded tirade brought store personnel to the scene. One had observed what’d been going on (so why didn’t she step in, everyone asks) and vouched for my friend and her experience. The man was ordered out of the store.
Let’s be careful out there. Some folks are stupid – and we know how dangerous stupid can be – and some are just dicks.
That is all.
Floofstream (floofinition) – 1. The ideas, behavior, or attitudes that are regarded as normal or conventional for animals.
In use: “Floofstream beliefs (or was it baseless myth?) claimed the dogs and cats should be at one another, but her dogs and cats turned that belief on its head with their partnerships. Several of the cats even seemed to like the dogs better than other cars. No doubt, they seemed to like the dogs better than her, too, except when it was time to eat.”
2. The dominant trend in animal society.
In use: “As the idea that humans could be trusted, and even exploited to their advantage became more floofstream, animals began searching for new ways to improve animal-human relationships and build their partnership.”
R.F.M. (floofinition) – Early alternative floof-rock (flock) band formed in Athens, Georgia in 1980.
In use: “Best known for floofstream songs like, “Losing my Digestion,” alt-flock band R.F.M.’s hit, “Floof on the Moon” was a tribute to comedian Andy Floofman.”
When things are dark and all’s asleep,
he seeks the comfort of my feet.
When the day is warm and the insects drone,
he likes to lie beside my toes.
When I sit down to read or eat,
there he is again, settling on my feet.
Michael Seidel, writer 