Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofcard (floofinition) – 1. A greeting card or postcard decorated by animal images, likenesses, or caricatures.
In use: “Everyone knew he loved animals (especially dogs), so floofcards were given to him for every occasion.”
2. A greeting card presented to an animal as part of a celebration or recognition.
In use: “She knew it was silly, but her cat was twenty-one years old. A special meal and a floofcard acknowledging the day and achievement was the very least of what should be done.”
Floofager (floofinition) – An animal who seems to be ageless or timeless.
In use: “The miniature poodle remained a spirited floofager, roaming the house to find whatever was making a noise, inspecting the gardens, guarding the food, and checking everyone’s food to ensure it was safe.”
Many are familiar with St. Asphalta. Her origins began after motorized transportation such as cars were developed and grew popular. Although her exact heritage and origins are shrouded in exhaust gases, one popular belief attributes her early beginnings to the first automobile accident fatalities.
A benevolent god (she eschews being referred to as ‘goddess’ as an outmoded and unnecessary distinction based on gender), St. Asphalta is most associated with parking. People typically pray to her, sometimes making a sacrifice (such as buying her a beverage, such as coffee or tea) when they need a parking space.
But limiting St. Asphalta to parking overlooks the many ways this modern god can help. Did you know that St. Asphalta’s realms and powers extend beyond mere parking issues? St. Asphalta relates to everything involved with wheeled transportation and their systems, processes, and issues. For example, although you might be walking, St. Asphalta is the god to address when you’re crossing a street. She’s the one who’ll wake the drivers up and drive them to notice you and provide you with the right-of-way.
Likewise, St. Asphalta should be contacted for safety when there’s a traffic accident, or the one to appeal to for help during road construction, congestion, and traffic jams. Appeal to St. Asphalta when you have car troubles such as a flat tire, or your car has been stolen.
She’s a good god to know. Like a car, she doesn’t demand a lot, but she must be given her due. If she’s not given it, then, like a car, she’ll let you down just when you need her most.
Gackpage (floofinition) – A period of serial puking or regurgitating, particularly by a housepet in the early morning, usually while humans are still in bed.
In use: “They heard the gackpage happening and could discern from the sounds which animal it probably was, forcing them to walk carefully and watch the floor when they finally climbed out of bed. It was hard to do without coffee.”
Six thirty in the AM. Post winter solstice and not too cloudy so there’s a little daylight, but still, overhead lights are required for this important task, feeding the cat.
I used to regularly be up at this hour, often at work by now. Since retiring from the USAF and leaving IBM, I’ve chosen not to be up at this hour. I’d rather be sleeping.
But the cat – Pepper, the neighbor’s old cat – has come in through the pet door and is begging for a meal, so I get up to indulge her. Won’t be but a minute. Another cat, Boo, comes in asking for some food as well, so I set him up.
Boo alternatively stares at me and the bowl of food like, “What’s this? What’s going on?”
“It’s your food, Boo. You were just asking for it.”
“Food? Food? What is food?”
I don’t know what game he’s playing and I want to return to bed. Maybe he’s thinking, “This isn’t what I ordered.” Don’t know. So I tell him, “If you want it, here it is, come and get it.” But I know Pepper. She’s gobbling her food down and will head to this bowl afterward. She’s already giving it a side glance as she’s eating. “You better hurry cause it may not last.”
Which was all that my brain required to introduce the 1969 Badfinger song “Come and Get It” from my childhood memories to my conscious stream.
Lyrics:
If you want it, here it is come and get it
Mmmm, make your mind up fast
If you want it, anytime I can give it
But you better hurry cause it may not last
h/t to Genius.com cuz’ cut and paste is easier.
It’s weird to think of this as a Badfinger song. I think of them as rock poppers. Yeah, I know its history about Paul McCartney, The Magic Christian, etc. And that’s it, I guess, it has the Beatles sound (or the McCartney sound), but not the Badfinger sound.
The food was eaten when I got up an hour later, and also regurgitated on the foyer rug, highlighted in its own little patch of sunshine.
With out mighty jigfloof’s assistance, we completed the cat and book puzzle. Quite a pleasure, challenging and satisfying.
My wife and I were outside on a warm day. Tall, golden brown grasses rose to our thighs. We were on a slope. A single tree was close by.
Feeling relaxed, like we were on a vacation, we were talking and slowly moving, glancing around as we were, going in slightly different directions but generally down a gentle decline. Facing toward my wife and watching her, I caught sight of something to my right. Looking that way, I saw a trio of lions. They were watching my wife.
I said, “Don’t run, but a lion is watching you.” I was trying to think of all the things that you’re supposed to do when a lion is after you so that I could tell her, but as I was thinking, she turned and began running away.
“I said, don’t run,” I said with irritation, watching her run. As I feared, I saw a big male lion rise and follow her.
“Stop running,” I called, trying not to speak too loudly. The lion had to go by me. Picking up a large stick, I approached the lion. As I did, though, I was aware that a female lion and a lion cub were now coming after me. At the same time, my efforts with the stick had drawn the male’s attention.
I told my wife, “They’re not after you. Keep going, but go slowly. I’ll keep their attention.”
My wife made some sort of protest. They reminded the lions about her. I imagined them thinking, he has the stick, and he’s bigger, so let’s go after her, plus she’s running. A lion is a cat. Cats like motion.
I said to the lions, “No, come after me. Look at me.” I waved my arms and hit the stick against the ground. I felt fearless. I felt like I could stop the lions from doing anything, that I could somehow talk them out of being interested in us and leave us alone so that we could leave.
I began telling the lions that in a soft voice. Turning away after a few minutes, they headed across the field in another direction.
The dream ended.
Floof-particle (floofinition) – The smallest unit of distinct and identifiable matter of an animal.
In use: “Floof-particles exist as imaginary dark matter, and is thought to be everywhere, leading to the Fur Theory, a proposal that all chemical elements are manifested from previously shed animal fur.”
Michael Seidel, writer 