Day: August 16, 2017

Future Uncertainty

Steve Bannon faces some future uncertainty. Comments by the POTUS caused the uncertainty.

I feel for Mr. Bannon. His dire situation prompts me to confess: I, too, face an uncertain future.

I’ve been uncertain about whether to go public with my future uncertainty, but my uncertainty has been mounting. I’m so uncertain about my future, I’m not certain what I’ll have for lunch, or whether I’ll have a beer tonight. I’m also uncertain about the source of pain in my head. I’m uncertain about whether the current W.H. occupant will start a nuclear war or another American Civil War.

I know that I’m not alone in my future uncertainties. People are uncertain if they can find something to eat today or a safe place to sleep. They’re uncertain that they can survive another day of pain. Black Americans are often uncertain whether they’ll survive a traffic stop. Police officers are often uncertain what people are reaching for, and whether toy guns are real. Some Americans are uncertain about whether their drinking water is safe, or if they’ll be employed at the end of the day, tomorrow, next week, or next month. Others are uncertain about where they’ll get the funds to pay for the medications they need. More are uncertain about their symptoms, and whether these symptoms are the first signs of a disease progressing in them, aging, or a minor, or temporary, ailment. Others are uncertain about what’s going to happen on “Game of Thrones,” who will win the World Series, and if the Patriots will win the Superbowl again. Apple’s new products cause many people great uncertainty. People flying on United Airlines are uncertain about the status of their flights, and why United can deny them a seat of they bought a ticket and were issued a boarding pass.

Uncertainty isn’t exclusive to America. Many people in the world are uncertain about the impact of pollution, what America will do next, or if America’s President is insane. Others are uncertain about the effects of Brexit, what to do about multiple wars and refugees, terrorism, and climate change.

So, I feel for Mr. Bannon. His future in the White House is uncertain.

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Major Eclipse Sponsors Announcement

As rumored on the Internet for the last several days, the United States National 2017 Eclipse Steering Commitment has announced that Doritos has been selected as the official sponsor of the 2017 American Eclipse. The eclipse is now officially known as The Doritos Great American Eclipse of 2017.

In other eclipse related news, Mountain Dew is the official soft drink of the DGAE 2017. Budweiser has been selected as the official beer, and Nike is the official shoe. Rumors are circulating that Pepsi will issue a commemorative eclipse can.

Pre-eclipse entertainment venues and entertainers were also announced. Among other performers, Pink Floyd has agreed to open festivities in Depoe Bay, Oregon, with a videocast of “Eclipse” when the eclipse begins. Britney Spears will play in St. Louis, Missouri, and Shania Twain will perform at Clemson in South Carolina. Pharrell will perform a Michael Jackson song and moon-dance. Van Morrison will sing “Moon Dance,” and Bonnie Tyler is expected to perform “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

WalMart has announced a spectacular Black Monday sale in conjunction with the eclipse. Prices will be slashed in half during the totality.

The Doritos Great American Eclipse of 2017 officials remind everyone to practice safe observing during the eclipse. Officials are also urging everyone to avoid taking selfies of themselves with the sun during the eclipse.

In other eclipse news, President Trump has denounced the eclipse as fake science via Twitter, and urges all Americans to ignore the stories in Lame Stream Media about the eclipse.

That is all.

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Eclipse Guidelines

Jim, one of my fellow SOBs and BOBs (Sons of BOBs, and Brains on Beer, respectively), came up with these helpful Eclipse Guidelines. I thought they hold some important points, so I share them with the rest of the world. Cheers

I wish to alert you that there may be an eclipse planned for next week.

On Aug. 21, the United States, having won a bidding war against Qatar for the rights, will host a total solar eclipse. To help you get maximum enjoyment from this rare celestial event with minimal injury or death, here’s an eclipse Q&A:
Q. What causes a total eclipse to happen?
A. The best way to understand it is to imagine that the Earth is a cantaloupe, and the moon is a grape. The grape travels in a circular path (technically called a “trajectory”) around the cantaloupe, while at the same time the cantaloupe travels around a flaming basketball representing the sun. Once in a great while, the grape reaches a certain point (the “hypotenuse”) that causes it to cast an unusually harsh shadow (the “penumbra”) and the resulting reduction in temperature extinguishes the basketball, thus plunging the cantaloupe into total darkness.
Q. So you’re saying that during an eclipse the sun actually goes out?
A. Only for a few minutes. It usually comes back.
Q. What if it rains on Aug. 21?
A. The eclipse will be held the following Monday.
Q. What if the Russians hack the eclipse?
A. Trump has already prepared a strong retaliatory tweet containing, according to a White House source, “very few punctuation errors.”
Q. How can I tell if I am in the path of the eclipse?
A. Look outside. If you see strangers parked on your lawn, you are in the path.
Q. What will I experience during the eclipse?
A. It will get dark.
Q. Seriously?
A. Yes.
Q. That’s IT? Where I live that happens every night.
A. Perhaps so, but in an eclipse, after it gets dark, it — prepare for some celestial excitement — gets light again!
Q. Wow.
A. Yes! Isn’t it amazing?
Q. I was being sarcastic. You’re telling me millions of people are traveling long distances and paying insane hotel rates just to see it get dark?
A. In some areas there will also be wine tastings.
Q. What safety measures should I take when viewing the eclipse?
A. Safety experts strongly recommend that you wear steel-tipped shoes, a hard hat and ear protection. Also you should remain indoors in an uncomfortable crouch until the “all clear” has sounded.
Q. If I remain indoors, how can I view the eclipse?
A. Safety experts do not consider that to be their problem.
Q. Will the eclipse cause any unusual phenomena to occur?
A. Yes. Scientists tell us that during the eclipse UPS trucks will appear to be green, microwave ovens will actually make food colder, and any Starbucks beverage with a name ending in “ino” will spontaneously explode. Also all of the television sets on Earth, even those that are turned off, will simultaneously show the same “My Pillow” commercial. In the natural world, birds will migrate up and down instead of horizontally. Whales will suddenly question whether they really like plankton, or just eat it because it’s available. Certain breeds of dog may develop a primitive sense of sarcasm. Also herds of cattle have been known to spontaneously re-enact the rumble scene from “West Side Story.” All of these phenomena are perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about, according to top eclipse scientists, who incidentally will be spending Aug. 21 in a mountain bunker in Peru.
Q. What about the religious groups who are claiming that this eclipse will trigger the end of the world?
A. Safety experts note that this is yet another argument for remaining indoors.
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Today’s Theme Music

This was an interesting oddity that I found on the net.

Thirteen years old, I was just getting into groups like Cream. Cream was Eric Clapton, Ginger Baker, and Jack Bruce. I knew who Glen Campbell was, of course; being in America in nineteen sixty nine, Campbell was difficult to avoid. He was well-accomplished, with well-known hit songs like “Gentle On My Mind,” “By the Time I Get To Phoenix,” and “Wichita Lineman.” By sixty-nine, he was hosting television shows.

This video is of Glen Campbell hosting a show and introducing Cream in nineteen sixty-nine. I never saw this video before today, and it’s definitely a ride on the wayback machine. Cream, so accustomed to playing stadiums with deafening levels of sound, seem strangely muted here. The contrast between their long-haired hippie appearance and Glen Campbell’s look is striking, and can easily be a metaphor for the difference in the America that was, and the America that was coming. Look at the set’s simple production, as well. It’s a far cry from “American Idol.”

Take a look to moderately far back in modern America, to nineteen sixty-nine, with Glen Campbell, and Cream.

https://youtu.be/MY-aAYl259k

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