Floofasaurus Rex
Floofasaurus Rex (Defintion): a huge, dominating, powerful animal, thought to be the biggest and most amazing creature in the world. Catalogists have since concluded that Floofasaurus Rex did not exist, but was the product of people’s overactive imaginations.
In Use: “A T-rex came over the hill, shaking the ground with its weight. and splitting the air with its sound. Hearing it, the Floofasaurus Rex stood up from where it had been sunning. Floofing out its fur, the Floofasaurus bared its canine teeth and issued a long, sharp growl. Hearing the sound, the T-rex carefully backed away from the Floofasaurus Rex, preferring to avoid battle with the acknowledged queen of the land.”
Mom’s Dislikes
Since we’re coming up on Father’s Day, I’m thinking about the things that used to anger Mom that amuses me now. It’s a short list, but each of these earned a sharp word, snapped fingers, threats, or warnings, all delivered with “the evil eye.”
Mom’s threats were usually about giving us away, sending us to an orphanage, or putting her in the nut house. We weren’t a very P.C. household in the fifties and sixties.
Here’s the list:
- Fighting, arguing, swearing and talking back. Her idea of talking back and our idea didn’t always align. We would protest, “What was I doing?” That is talking back. Don’t do it.
- You’d better come when called…or else.
- Cracking your gum, blowing bubbles with your gum, or clicking you spoon against your teeth.
- No slurping! Do not slurp your soup or your cereal. Don’t you dare suck up the final fluids of a soda or milkshake through a straw, either.
- Don’t sneeze too many times, definitely a peculiar irritation. You can see that Mom had a thing about noises. More than three sneezes would irritate her. Sneezing too loud would also annoy her. All that exasperated us. How are we supposed to control the number of times we sneeze, or how loudly?
- Eat all your food. That was rarely a problem for me but one sister had issues. Food items couldn’t be touching one another. That just sickened her. But Mom would order her to eat her food; she would refuse, and would sit in the darkening room, refusing to eat, until Mom relented and took her plate away. That was a battle of wills.
A short list, and nothing too terrible. As children, we’d forget, and absently do these things until Mom voiced her irritation. As adults, we find it funny, and laugh about it. We’re also aware of these matters that irk Mom. If someone starts sneezing and goes more than three times — or loudly — in Mom’s presence, one of us is certain to say, “Here we go.”
What about you? Anything that your Mom did that amuses you in memory?
Today’s Bumper Sticker
“I have the right clothes for the season, but the wrong clothes for the weather.”
Window-floof
Window-floof (Definition) A cat or cat(s) who enjoy sitting in windows, or outside windows, spying on whatever is on the other side, and sometimes, discussing world affairs with whatever’s on the other side.
In Use: “A classic window-floof, Quinn sat on the covered grill on the patio outside the window, silent, until Michael noticed his presence. Then Quinn commenced an interrogation about what Michael had been doing, even though Quinn had witnessed these things over a thousand times before. Quinn knew that it was better not to assume.”
One of Those Web Days
Facebook doesn’t load.
Videos won’t play.
I turn to other webpages. Nope, they’re not opening, either. Gmail via Inbox begins taking so long to open, I forget something was being opened. WordPress fails to save. Several minutes pass as I wait for blogs to open and display. It feels like I’ve drifted back in techno-time, and my machine is using MS DOS three point one, running on a four point seven-seven machine.
But no, that’s not it. It’s not just Chrome and Windows eight point one. The Mac displays similar issues, and so does the iPad mini.
Is it my connections or computers? Have I suffered a virus or is there a problem with the Internet?
No, the calendar reveals the answer. This is Patch Tuesday, when Microsoft, SAP, Adobe, and others release updates. Systems everywhere get busy populating updates, or dealing with conflicts caused when one is updated, and another isn’t. So there’s some fuming and gnashing of teeth as updates are applied, latency suffers, lags become extended, and bandwidth is consumed.
Hang in there, I tell myself. Go eat, take a walk, or read a book. It’ll all be over in a few days.
It depends upon the patches.
Today’s Theme Music
“Time Won’t Let Me” is a song by a group called The Outsiders.
In nineteen sixty-six, I was ten years old, part of a small group of neighborhood children on McNary Boulevard in Wilkinsburg that included Tracy and Carolann, and Mike and Richard. The group fluctuated as people moved, went on vacation, or attended Bible School. Technically, I’d moved away to Penn Hills, but I came back to visit friends.
I don’t know who, exactly, bought this record, or the rest. We listened to them on a little portable turntable. The record was part of a stack of forty-five R.P.M. singles. Setting up in someone’s basement during the summer months, we listened and danced to these records while pretending to sing the songs and play the instruments. The Monkees began dominating the stack, although Johnny Rivers had a strong presence. Others included Herman and the Hermits, Paul Revere and the Raiders, and Nancy Sinatra. As the summer passed, our interests and musical tastes shifted. But for a while, we had our forty-fives.
Now, watching this video, I laugh.
Floolze
Floolze (1) (Definition): the snoring and/or breathing sound a sleep cat makes.
In Use: “Tucker’s floolze sounds like the house is breathing.”
Floolze (2) (slang): A cat taking a nap.
In use: “Looking for Papi, Michael found the little ginger floolze in a ball in the closet corner.”
Today’s Bumper Sticker
“Imagine what you can do.”
Sudoku Puzzles & Writing
I love doing sudoku puzzles, completing at least two a day. Naturally, I like more challenging ones, because solving them is more satisfying.
After years of doing them on specific websites and in the newspaper, I’ve recently discovered a new site for doing them. Their logic seems different than what I’ve previously encountered, which makes them more difficult, which translates to more challenging and fun.
It also reinforced the need to not take shortcuts or jump ahead. I’ve found the best way to solve these is to maintain discipline and process the different logical devises employed in a step-by-step process.
I’ve also learned that sometimes the complexity will overwhelm me, and I become frustrated. When that happens, I stop the clock, save the work, close the page, and walk away. Returning to it in a short while with fresh eyes and mind then lets me see obvious clues that were missed earlier.
This reinforces my writing processes and approach. I’m often a sucker for clickbait about how-to articles regarding writing and publishing. I’m not necessarily seeking easier, but that elusive realm known as better. I often find that they’re packaging the same writing advice I’ve seen everywhere else, but with new words and more interesting headlines. There’s very little that offers sage advice about writing better.
That makes sense.
Guidelines are well-established for proper structures or how to describe characters and settings, write action scenes and pacing. But each of our works, hopefully, are unique and fresh to us as writers. Nothing is as clearly delineated as it is in hindsight of published works. We’re making multiple decisions about pacing and info-dumps, trying to decide how much of what we know becomes too much for the reader, or spoils the story.
In the end, I learned again lessons found in solving sudoku puzzles. Stay true to the my course. Don’t take shortcuts, remain patient, and use anxiety to feed determination to finish.
And, if it’s necessary, take a damn break and return to it with fresh eyes and mind.
Michael Seidel, writer 