Another Day

It’s one of those days when voices scratch like annoying sounds in my psyche. Everything seems to be fracturing and falling to pieces. A demon within rises, screaming, “What’s the fucking use? Who the hell cares?” I try rallying myself to respond, I care, but that vessel is empty. Someone holed my bottom. All my energy has drained out. All that remains is self-indulgent self-pity and bitterness.

What the hell happened overnight that brought me to this state? I know my inner personality has an affinity for the dark side but how do those tentacles reach out and seize me so quickly? How do they pull me in so fast and hold me so securely that I grow tired in its grip and just want to escape, crying, “God, where can I escape?”

Logically, I understand how much better I have than so many others. This isn’t logic. This is raw emotion. Emotions don’t embrace logic. They spread, dark horses of anger, bitterness, depression, weariness and frustration, roaring across my plains of consciousness, trampling coherent thinking. I know it’s ‘that time of month’ for me. I know this is a temporary state. The state will likely pass within a few days. I will survive and emerge. Always have.

But the ride along the way is shitty hard.