This is it in America. Finally, a world-shaking significant event has taken place:

Thanksgiving…has arrived.

Others will scoff. I scoff at the scoffers. Go ahead and scoff back at me scoffing at you for scoffing. You want a scoff off?

Let’s scoff.

But Thanksgiving happens every year, doubters say.

Oh, you doubters, I scoff. Yes, Thanksgiving happens every year, which is a large part of its importance. It’s one of the big holiday anchors in America, the others being Christmas, the Super Bowl, and the Academy Awards. Their annual occurrence don’t make them any less special and amazing anew every year. Thanksgiving is especially important for America because the holiday season that commences on the Black Friday the day after T-Day is economically critical for America’s commerce and pop-culture. The only thing not going on sale in this period is healthcare. I’m sure they’ll get around to it. Without Thanksgiving and Black Friday, they wouldn’t be Christmas, and then that damn music that’s been playing in stores since early October would go and on and on, like that damn pink Energizer bunny.

So you need a theme song that will carry you as you sit down with relatives and play twenty questions to catch up, confront a spread of food and gorge on dessert, or rush out the door to shop. Something to hum to yourself to gird your courage for these gritty, daunting moments.

I give you the theme to ‘Dragnet’.