Today’s Theme Music

I think today’s music may be a repeat. I don’t know. I don’t track them.

‘Hallelujah’ by Leonard Cohen is one of my favorite songs. It haunts me for a few days whenever I hear it, echoing choruses and notes that deliver stillness and a smile. The original production is moving, and there are many great covers, but the reason why it’s with me again is because of a new cover. Pentatonix and their A Cappela rendering is all over Facebook. That’s where I heard it yesterday. Now I share it with you today.

Doya Ever…?

Writing like crazy….

Well, actually thinking like crazy and developing background information to help me advance my understanding of what the hell’s going on in ‘my’ novel. I don’t know if I claim it as much as it has claimed me.

But, as frequently happens with me, this noodling about background sprouts tangent ideas. Writing about another intelligent race (the Milennial) and their complexities (the Lavie (which are their elders) gain weight and lose their limbs, becoming a food source for the larvae), my writing brain comments, “Boy, there’s a terrific short story in that.” Naturally, an argument commences between the novel writer in residence in my brain and the short story writer.

Does this ever happen to you? You’re writing one piece but another suddenly calls and makes an inviting proposition?

Naturally, I said no. The short story writer in me has less traction. I enjoy short stories, love reading and writing them, but I enjoy the novel form more. I tilt toward the novel. So I tell the short story writer, “I appreciate the idea, but we need to stay focused.”

“Come on, it doesn’t need to be long, just twenty-five hundred, maybe five thousand words.”

“I said, no.”

“But it’ll be easy. You can knock it off in a couple days.”

I laugh. Writers are always making such promises. “No.”

Pouting, the short story writer sulks away. “You’ll be sorry someday,” I hear him muttering. “You’ll see.”

The novelist doesn’t let me dwell on that. “Excellent,” he enthuses. “You dispatched him with aplomb. Now, on to the Profemies and the heritage left behind their departure….”

Endless Good

Mucking through the morass of memories, moods, and meditation, I sought other directions. I wondered about my surfeit of wild dreams, trying to gauge, do others dream so much? It was like the Dream Network – Dreams, 24/7. (Your dreams on the eights.) Or is it that I’m just remembering more dreams? Maybe others remember but don’t talk about their dreams, citing their upbringing: “Mom always told me it’s not polite to talk about your dreams.” That needs modernizing: “Mom texted me it’s not PC to blog about yr dreams.”

Out of the meditations and meanderings, I remembered Florence Scovel Shinn. Following a whim, I duckduckgo’d her and found a website devoted to her. (What we can google but not duckduckgo? Yeah, it’s not as clean, is it? I predict it won’t catch on.)

On FSS’s page is an opportunity to do a random affirmation. I clicked the button, and this came up:

“The four winds of success now blow to me my own. From North, South, East and Wet comes my endless good.”

A pleasant sentiment, and apropos for a windy day. At the least, I read it and smiled before urging myself, “Come on, believe.”

 

Today’s Theme Music

A series of dreams battered me like a line of thunderstorms. Winds blowing strong and steady, whistling around windows and eaves, brought up tornado memories. Only been in two or three but they have a memorable sound.

Songs were featured in my dreams but after hearing the wind and rain, I went with ‘Stormy Monday’. Many great covers of this T-Bone Walker song are out there, but I went with a sentimental favorite. Here is the Allman Brothers Band performing ‘Stormy Monday’ from their album, ‘At Fillmore East’.  Crank it up.

 

Dark Day

Somewhere in the middle of the night, the black steamrolled me.

It may have started with a series of disturbing dreams. I was with a group, a class of sorts, and a woman poured coffee onto my computer keyboard as a joke. I cleaned it up as other actions began. Then, in dream fashion, I was vacuuming dry autumn leaves up in the living room with my father…what…? Then I sat on a sofa to rest, and felt a force trying to lift me up from the sofa and move me…. I decided to let it. It took me across the room and set me on the floor.

A cat puking on my chair and demanding let out at 4:15 AM disrupted the dreams and may have contributed to my black mood.

Stepping in the puke could have been a catalyst to further darkness.

Writing in my head as I returned to sleep became a slamfest. Self-esteem drained out as my inner critic took over. “That stuff you’re writing is unimaginative, weak and turgid. That crap you published is a disease to humanity. Chuck it all. Find a useful hobby. Knitting, or water painting. Take up baking. Don’t write, please, for all that’s bright and beautiful in the world, don’t write.”

Sleep was recalcitrant after that, telling me, “I don’t want to get anywhere near you, with that mood coming up. I’m reading the signs, and a bad storm is rising.”

This black is a greatest hits compilation. Low self-esteem, depression, weariness, anger, irritation, resentment, then another cover of depression.

‘It’s okay not to always write,’ I read in another blog.

Maybe I’ll take the day off. Either that, or open any vein, and see what comes out.

Variation on a Dream

It came again as I slumbered, montages of being swept up in wild currents. They carry me through channels and cataracts. I tumble over falls. Through it all, I’m battling for direction, enduring difficult circumstances.

Yes, it’s the flood dream.

The flood dream is one of several recurring dreams in my dream folio. I don’t know when it first developed and presented but I do know it frequently returns. I’ve never been able to pinpoint its return on any cause. I’ve only spoken of it to others a few times. Mostly, it renders me thoughtful and meditative when I awaken from it.

In its first iterations, I was young and the dream begins with me exploring areas of Wilkinsburg and Penn Hills, PA, outside of Pittsburgh, where I lived about ten years in my youth. The dream was an accurate reproduction of landmarks, events and geography in its early years, more like memory than dream. Sometimes childhood friends were present.

After dreaming it a few times, the flooding began. Typically, I was in the woods, on a recognized steep hillside of dark loam. The skies darkened. I knew a storm was coming. As I hustled toward safety, monsoon rains begin. Storm sewers and creeks overflow. Water engulfs everything. Raging with power, floodwaters pick me up and toss me like a cat playing with a toy. I’m rushing past fallen trees, rocks and boulders. Periodically, I emerged from the floods to stand on a broad, white dam, where I could look out over the floods and consider what was happening. Sometimes, then, I felt worried.

But the dream’s evolution continued. While I never died, nor even felt terribly exerted by the dream’s events, I learned to navigate the waters. I was never in full control in any sense, but was staying afloat, avoiding obstacles and riding the sinuous waves.

Eventually in the dream, I began reaching a calm zone. ‘They’ were waiting for me in the calm, they being people, just people, nobody in any way special. Typically they were a man and a woman. All I fully understood in the dream was that I’d managed to exit the stormy, turbulent waters and reached a special place.

It was twilight there, and placid, a relief after the trying flood waters. Strangely, the dream identifies it as the North Pole – the top of the world. Stars are rising to light the moment. I’m invited to float out on calm black seas to reach the ultimate top of the world. It’s peaceful, restful. And so, I enter the water, which is cold, but not numbing, and float on my back out to the North Pole, where I gaze up at rich spectacle of stars, galaxies and nebulae.

Last night’s variation added a twist. As has happened more recently with the dream, the first act, where I’m young, and the skies darkened and the rains begin, was cut. I was immediately being carried by the currents. This time, the currents raced through icy white chasms and tubes. And this time, I was leading a small group, telling them what to do and urging them to follow my example. Reaching rocky or sandy banks from time to time and pausing on the journey, they were breathing hard, coughing and choking, bent over with weariness from their efforts. Each time, I let them rest and then said, “Come on. There’s more.” Then we plunged back into the water and rode the waves.

But in this iteration of the dream, when I reached the special place, I was pleased, joking with the other travelers, “Okay, you’ve gone through some tough places, but this one is something else,” setting them up to believe that, oh, no, there’s more? And so they said, with disappointed and weary sighs.

I led them into the twilight stillness where the others waited, grinning as the others explained, “You’ve reached the top of the world.” Indicating the smooth black water to one side, they continued, “Get on your back and float out, and you’ll be on top of the world.”

Smiling as my fellow travelers expressed puzzlement and skepticism, I lowered myself into the water and floated toward the North Pole on my back. And then, my fellow travelers began to follow….

 

Yes on No

The self-appointed and full of folly brains on beer group met last night. I joined them despite its name, as I was off my green smoothie fast and had endured several weeks without a beer. For that, I felt entitled to be rewarded. The only porter on tap is vanilla infused and reminds me of cream soda. Opting out of that, I enjoyed Caldera Brewing’s Ashland Amber Ale. Although several IPAs were on hand along with Boneyard’s Red Ale, CB’s triple A is a good fallback for any venue.

Ron was celebrating his sixty-ninth birthday, so he bought. The rest put twenty into the kitty to support local schools’ STEM efforts. Conversations naturally skidded toward politics. Several members were leaving early to catch the debates. We’re on the spectrum from Reagan Republican to extreme liberals, and include several stops between those end points. None support Trump; none are enamored with Hillary. Several were Bernie fans. No one else really seemed to garner energy in our group.

Discussion swung around to Oregon issues and dropped into Prop 97. Disagreement bounced up. The most liberal disliked the prop because it was written too loosely. Another objected to 97 and was voting against it because it’s a sales tax and the floor for being taxed was too low. Logic, hyperbole, facts and opinions flew. Nothing was resolved, and nobody changed their minds.

But it was exhilarating to sit with friends and not agree, to discuss points of an issue based on its merits without diving into personalities or spewing invective statements and hate. In the end, we finished our beers, headed for the doors and called, “Good seeing you, see you next week.”

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