Got my head out of bed

And my ass across the floor

Staggered through the hall

Hit my face on the door

 

My eyes were still closed

Couldn’t see where I was

Couldn’t even think

I needed a coffee buzz

 

Fumbled into the kitchen

The cats almost tripped me

Made it to the counter

And started huntin’ them beans

 

Found leftover grounds

But that weren’t much

My mind began howlin’

For its caffeine touch

 

The can was empty

So was the bag

There wasn’t even Sanka

This mornin’ was becomin’ a drag

 

I sucked on a used filter

To see me through

And licked up the dregs

Left from yesterday’s brew

 

My heart beat was flailin’

My thinkin’ gave out

And then my legs

And I started floppin’ about

 

The cats all gathered

But they was no help

The situation was dire

I began to yell

 

Then my wife came in

And bent down low

And said, “We’re out of coffee

But I guess you know.

 

“So I went to Starbucks

To get you a cup

‘Cuz I knew without it

You wouldn’t be much.”

 

I thanked her with tears

And sat up straight

And then drained the grande

And began to feel great

 

Then the horrible truth struck

‘Cuz my need was laid bare

I needed a second cup

But do I dare?