Day: June 27, 2016

Myth & Hyperbole

Walking today, I returned to the Stellar Queen in my mind.

Things changed after Her Lady disappeared from the ship’s scene. You’ll notice that I don’t say that she died or departed; I don’t know but that she was ‘gone’. Rei claimed she left the ship in secret, but what’s one person’s view, especially the view of a baker? How did he get to know Her Lady so well, the people wanted to know?

Remember, too, this was still the Integrated Age, when body and electronics were blended with marketing, security and privacy to create a web of existence. Marketing and security bees traveled the ship. Her Lady hadn’t wanted them but had agreed that it was Her People’s ship. A bare majority of its half million population wanted the bees, so they were permitted. While the bees weren’t greatly popular, they tracked people’s movements. When Her Lady disappeared, attention was naturally directed to the bees.

But Her Lady had no records, as the Security Director knew. “Her Lady was above that, too,” she said. “There are no records of her existence or movement for any time, nor any place, during her entire life aboard the Stellar Queen.”

Although many professed they shouldn’t be surprised, given who she was and her penchant for secrecy and privacy (a vote via the ship’s Galeb revealed that 77% could not pick out Her Lady’s image from a group of five), most were surprised and even outraged. Suspicions began nibbling and lurking. Perhaps the Security Director and Rei had entered a nefarious partnership and removed Her Lady to assert their own power. A majority rebutted that as absurd but the rumors persisted, especially after the turn of problems on the Queen.

First was an outbreak of killing disease, followed by the ship quarantine to manage the disease, and The Revelations. The Revelations were still being discovered when ship equipment malfunctioned. Worse of these events was the ship’s sun, Surya (named for the benevolent Hindu sun god who rode through the sky in a carriage), which suddenly became Surly Surya, rising fifteen degrees higher than planned in its first malfunction and resisting input, before finally cooling but stalling in the sky. Becoming a dull orange, it hovered over the Majestic Plan and Snow at its high noon summer position, an angry glowering ember. “The heat had been bad,” Wallander said, “but I’d rather it than this endless day with an ugly sun. It seems like a dangerous omen for us. Perhaps this is the end for the Stellar Queen.”

Nobody argued against his observation.

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Dream Vehicles

Normally, thinking of dream vehicles, I fill my mind with sports cars or interstellar ships.

But I recall Quinn of the Black Paws jumping on me last night. He’s only eight pounds but is very adept at targeting and hitting my bladder. So up I went to use the can, with a chatty Quinn accompanying me. Sometimes I think he does this from boredom so he’ll have company.

The sleep interruption let me recall a dream fragment. I was outside, in bright sunshine, on a sidewalk, beside an asphalt parking lot. In the parking lot, parked close by, were cars as shiny as silver mercury. I don’t know what makes, models, etc, but all were sleek, new and exotic in my brief glance, and glittering with reflected sunshine that seemed so amazingly bright that my eyes, even behind sunglasses, were pained.

All of this was experienced as a close, personal POV, like a camera following me, but not from a first person point of view. I, in light colored shorts, a light blue shirt and sandals, light warm breeze blowing my hair, looked at the cars and guffawed, remarking, “Ah, my dream cars.” I was pleased.

And leaving the john and remembering them, with Quinn flying his bushy tail ahead of me as he hurried down the hall, I thought, “I get to pick the car for my dreams.”

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Turbulence

Bounced around the spectrum yesterday and today, pissed off at the world, frustrated, tired. Buckle up, I’m in for a bumpy ride.

I’m not certain which spectrum I’m addressing. The spectrum of happiness, satisfaction, or self-actualization. This could just be a broader spectrum, the ‘life’ spectrum.

Reading others’ blogs and posts, I see many battling similar conditions and why not? How many billions of humans live on Earth right now?

The best way to describe it is that I feel out of sync, with rough energy that escapes my control. Feeling this, coping with it, I wonder about cause and effect. Maybe it’s boredom, or weariness with routines of food, people, drink, habits. Is it my diet, I ask, thinking through it, searching for the food or drink that may have poisoned my spirit, or perhaps I’m experiencing a nutritional deficit or chemical imbalance. Is it hormones from my time of life, month or year? Maybe the world is just too much with me of late, and I’m suffering news fatigue, or digital fatigue. Would I be this way, I query myself, were I richer or poorer? If I was richer, could I escape myself by booking travel to a island somewhere, or someplace ‘fun’, or use shopping therapy? If I was poorer, would more critical concerns distract me?

I don’t know. I can play those games and search for answers but this is an emotional condition, not logical, not a product of intelligent thinking, but a product of emotions. What triggers these emotional switches, and why is it so much deeper now? I ponder the birthday aspect, coming up on one, and whether the stars, moons and planets – or other energies we don’t know – afflict me, conjuring up Twilight Zone and Outer Limit scenes of aliens, ghosts or Gods toying with me. It’s all in bright, fuzzy black and white.

Meditation and affirmations help. Don’t know how dark I’d be without them. I’ll go walking. Walking, with its combination of distracting my thinking and emotions, but also stimulating me with the chemicals the physical activity produces, will help. It will give me time to be by myself, and that may just be the issue here.

I want to be alone.

For a while.

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